I went to my local church, Starbucks yesterday because yes, I am white enough to crave a Pumpkin Spice latte now and again. I say, “white”, because every time I think about getting a PSL, a very funny twitter quote comes to mind: “I’m white, but not I can’t wait for PSL season, white”. I groaned and laughed because it showed up on my Twitter feed the day I bought my first PSL of the season.

As much as I love Starbucks lattes, I’ve never had one bring on a feeling of religious ecstasy or made me want to convert. I will admit, at times, that first morning cup of coffee produces a warm tingling feeling of delight and satisfaction, more akin to a orgasm than religious fervor. But apparently for some, Starbucks is the Church of Coffee and therefor is responsible for keeping the Christian holiday holy. WTF?

For those of you who are unaware, it’s not the meek that shall inherit the earth; rather it’s those who seek the red cup. For it is written:

If thou wilt be perfect, go and give to Starbucks all that thou hast, and give to the poor barista and thou shalt have treasure in heaven and a red cup: and come and follow me. (Matthew 19.21)

I won’t bother to give airtime to how this started; I don’t want to name the idiot who decided Starbucks has now engaged in the “war on Christmas”. You can Google him (he’s on Youtube). I wish it was just one guy with a beef with Starbucks, but sadly his followers are legion. What’s all the fuss about, you ask? Well, it turns out that this year Starbucks made the fatal decision to forgo it’s usual red cup with snowflakes, ad instead rolled out a plain red cup! Oh the humanity! Grab the children and get to your nearest church, the apocalypse is upon us and it starting with a plain red cup!

I'm outraged because Starbucks no longer serves Gingerbread Molasses lattes. Now this is a sin! — I’m outraged because Starbucks no longer serves Gingerbread Molasses lattes. Now this is a sin!

I have no idea what snowflakes have to do with Christmas as it pertains to the holy holiday. It is snowing as I write this, and I presume there are a lot of snowflakes on my lawn and roof, but so far, no wandering Middle Eastern family has showed up at my door asking for a room. Not even directions to the nearest Starbucks. I’m sure you can feel my disappointment with this turn of events. Snowflakes yes, baby Jesus no. Maybe I should tack some big fake snowflakes to my front door…

I wonder if baby Jesus would accept this offering?

I’m tired of this manufactured “war on Christmas” and I am tired of the whining: “Oh, they won’t allow Nativity scenes on government property”(It’s called the separation of Church and State, no, it’s not in the Constitution but is in the founding fathers’ letters*. Learn some history), “I want everyone to say Merry Christmas, damn it! (Some of us say “Happy Holidays” because there is more than one holiday in December. It’s called being inclusive, look that up too).

That there is more than one holiday in December is the reason given by Starbucks to forgo the snowflake. They say:

Creating a culture of belonging, inclusion and diversity is one of the core values of Starbucks, and each year during the holidays the company aims to bring customers an experience that inspires the spirit of the season,”. “Starbucks will continue to embrace and welcome customers from all backgrounds and religions in our stores around the world.”

And it should be noted, that they routinely change the picture on the holiday cup, though it’s always been geared towards Christmas.

The other issue with this “war on Christmas” is the fact that the battle is not being fought over the right problem. If Christmas is so sacred, why do we as a nation worship Black Friday deals and the like so much? Why are we so driven by consumer greed (which by the way is a sin in Jesus’ eyes) that we’ve replaced the true meaning of Christmas with the demand of Thanksgiving shopping and every day leading up to Christmas? Every years millions of Christians will spend Thanksgiving evening standing in line, then stamping in herds, in order to lavish their families with gifts bought at low, low prices. Where is Jesus in all of this? This to me is the true war on Christmas.

What does a snowflake on a cup have to do with Christmas anyway? Why does Starbucks have to act as your church leader? As @arrpeebee wrote on Twitter:

“If you need a coffee chain to be your ambassador of Christ you need to re-examine your relationship w/God”

I couldn’t have put it better myself. So, here’s to everyone. I tip my plain red cup to you and wish you a very Happy Holiday Season. You’ll get a Merry Christmas out of me when it is in fact, Christmas.

*I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should ‘make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free
exercise thereof,’ thus building a wall of separation between Church and State.” Thomas Jefferson, Letter to the Danbury Baptists, January 1, 1802

References:

Starbucks. Com. The Story Behind the Design of Starbucks Red Holiday Cups for 2015

The King James – Starbucks- Bible. Mathew 19.21

To be, or not to be, that is the Question:: Whether ’tis Nobler in the minde to suffer
The Slings and Arrowes of outragious Fortune,
Or to take Armes against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to dye, to sleepe
No more; and by a sleepe, to say we end
The Heart-ake, and the thousand Naturall shockes
That Flesh is heyre too? ‘Tis a consummation
Deuoutly to be wish’d. To dye to sleepe,
To sleepe, perchance to Dreame; I, there’s the rub,
For in that sleepe of death, what dreames may come,
When we haue shuffel’d off this mortall coile,
Must giue vs pawse. There’s the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life.

These are the first few lines from the First Folio of Hamlet, though in the Folio f is used as s. I changed it for modern readers.

To say Hamlet is depressed is an understatement. He is clearly questioning the futility of living. But though he says dye twice and death once, there are some scholars who suggest he is in no way suicidal; that this musing is just that, musing. And though we could ask them to explain Hamlet’s sudden interest in death, we won’t, because the only person who could definitely answer that is Shakespeare, and he’s been in that “undiscovered country” for four hundred years.

I’ve been thinking about this soliloquy a lot this week. Tomorrow I have the privilege of seeing Benedict Cumberbatch take on the role of Hamlet in a one-night only showing of the play, broadcast live around the world. That alone would make any Shakespeare scholar revisit the melancholic prince of Elsinore, but it is the passing of two people this week that brought about my contemplation of Hamlet’s words. I take stock of my life and my role as an active player. Death always makes me think about life and what it means to be.

What if, like some scholars suggest, we look to the words not as literal statements but as metaphors on how we should live? What if we took these words and asked, Do we live life to the fullest or do we close ourselves off to the word and live in our own dream world?

To be. To be actively engaged with the world: to be in love, to be happy, to be content. These are states that we all long for, yet for many of us, they are never achieved. Why? What makes it so hard for many of us to be in our desired states? When we look inward and ask ourselves this simple question, we find the answer in the next few lines.

Whether ’tis Nobler in the minde to suffer
The Slings and Arrowes of outragious Fortune,
Or to take Armes against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to dye, to sleepe

For many of us, the fear of living; the fear having to suffer life’s slings and arrows is too much, so we oppose them by disengaging. Thus we end them. But yet we dream about the life we would want. Oh, if only life would stop hurting us!

Ahh, now there’s the rub; The Heart-ake, and the thousand Naturall shockes
That Flesh is heyre too.

We close ourselves off, never attempting to be, because of our fears. Fear of heartache, rejection, failure and all of the other emotional shocks we fleshy humans are prone to. It is fear of living that stops us from being.

Many of us, including myself, allow ourselves to hover between being and not being because of this fear. We fear if we try we will fail. We fear we will be rejected, we feel if we try we will suffer wounds and natural shocks that come from being.

‘Tis a consummation
Deuoutly to be wish’d. To dye to sleepe,
To sleepe, perchance to Dreame; I, there’s the rub,
For in that sleepe of death, what dreames may come,
When we haue shuffel’d off this mortall coile,
Must giue vs pawse. There’s the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life

Yes, we wouldn’t be asking the question if we could simply cut ourselves off. Ahh, there’s a second rub; for in closing ourselves off and living in our own dream world the dreams that come resemble life. This gives us pause. For in giving up on life we continue to dream about it, and thus, our non-lives can seem long and full of misfortune, or missed fortunes because we dare only dream.

So what is the answer? Do we be or not be? And even if we chose not be, isn’t that a state of being?

The answer as I see it is yes, it is better to be, or at least to be engaged as much as possible. As much as life hurts and can sometimes seem like sheer calamity, ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrowes of outragious fortune. For when it comes time to truly shuffel’d off this mortall coile, I want to go out knowing I loved, l tried, that I lived the best life possible. Fear is a poison whose cup I will not drink from anymore.

Cowards die many times before their deaths.

Category: Opine

The Church of Starbucks

The not quite nihilistic question To be or not to be

First Folio

Hamlet

Julius Caesar

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First Folio

Hamlet

Julius Caesar

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