Opine – Page 7 – The View From Sari's World

President Thomas Whitmore giving his famous speech in Independence Day

“We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We’re going to live on!

We’re going to survive!”

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

Today most of American is celebrating independence from British rule, not by taking up arms against a sea of oppressors, but by uniting in a love of grilled food and firework displays. I’m not sure what this tradition signifies other than to serve as an example of how for Americans a holiday is not a holiday unless something is roasting on a fire and loud booms are heard by evenings end. Hell, we cherish this tradition so much so that weekend long civic events center around it, with neighboring towns taking nightly turns setting off fireworks.

While most of my friends and neighbors celebrated with food, fire and more fire, I chose to celebrate the holiday in a non-traditional way. Well, actually, now that I think about it, in a very un-American way: celebrating British culture by binge watching both Hollow Crown series (or as we say in America, both seasons) and by declaring my independence from stuff. In other words, I spent my three day weekend days purging my house of unused material goods and my nights with 5 of England’s Kings. I can only hope my American readers can appreciate the almost comedic irony in this.

I didn’t pick this particular weekend, this particular holiday, to engage in my un-American activities, it just lent itself to my purposes. Many close friends are aware that I’ve been struggling with the idea of a self-imposed purge for a couple of months. Our conversations have focused around the morbid topic of “Who’s in charge of your stuff once you are gone?” What happens to all of the clutter, the household goods, and “treasures” we hold onto in life after we shuffle off this mortal coil? I am not comfortable with the idea that my son, who would be busy grieving, would also have to go through and decide what to do with stuff that I was attached to, and by degree, stuff that he would now be attached to because of me. I recently saw a friend go through this with her mother. Dealing with loss of her mother was hard enough, but cleaning out her mother’s house was almost unbearable. The thought of leaving this task to my son now seems cruel and a little selfish. You may ask why at my age would this become important. Surely this sort of purge can wait? A fair question, yet given my recent health issues, it is a topic worthy of contemplating and planning.

What caused me to pick this particular weekend had less to do with my morbid thoughts than with necessity; I’m getting a roommate, someone who has committed to a year’s lease, maybe longer (jokingly we say we may become the real life Golden Girls) and in return I committed to making extra room for her stuff. I have a deadline to get this done, so this is how my holiday became a holiday of purging. I had no idea that this endeavor would turn out to be the catalyst for my independence from stuff. But a wonderful thing happened on the way to the dumpster. I learned to let go.

How many of you are familiar with the American TV show Hoarders? If you’ve watched even just one or two episodes you may have found yourself shuddering at the thought of clinging to mounds and mounds of garbage and unused goods. These poor souls are vexed with mental and emotional anguish at the mere suggestion that there are some things that are not worth keeping. Some to the point of flying into rages as they are asked to throw away moldy garbage or old containers. As viewers we may feel for them but also relieved to know we are not like them. But, I suspect in one way or another, all of us share their fear of letting go of our stuff. Oh we may not call it fear; we find ways to justify our need to keep things we do not use, but underneath is the fear of letting go. This fear underlines many of our justifications: What if I need this… (fill in the blank) later? I paid good money for this…., why should I give it away? What if this…is worth something later? No, seriously, I’ve given …. away before, only to turn around and buy another just like it, I won’t do it again! I may not have a use for …now, but I have plans for it later when I have more time. I’d bet that you’ve had one or two of these thoughts. Would it surprise you to learn that hoards use these same arguments? Once I figured out these were my main arguments it became easier to let go, and it all started with closet space.

I promised my new roommate I’d clear the guest bedroom closet for her use. The bedroom she will be using does not have enough space for her cloths and I wanted to start clearing out stuff anyway; why not start with an extra closet I rarely use? Besides, it would push me to clear out my bedroom closet space, as the stuff in the guest bedroom would have to go somewhere. Turns out, most of it went to charity.

I started with the top shelf of my bedroom closet and made a plan to work my way down. Some of the stuff on the top shelf had been there for years. Determined to rid myself of a few items, I decided to view my goods as I do my TBR bookshelf (for those of you new to my blog, I’ve written about my bi-yearly purge of unread books here). I started with items that had not been touched in two years or more, finding to my chagrin, things I had completely forgotten I even owned! Apparently years ago I found a Catholic nun doll so adorable I just had to bring her home and set out as an ironic keepsake. At some point I lost all my mirth with her and placed her back in her box and up on my top shelf. I had forgotten all about her. What else would I find lurking in my closet? I went at the purge with all the intensity of a pirate digging for buried treasure. Sadly, I didn’t find anything of real value.

By the time I finished cleaning out my closet I had a mound of purses, scarves, plastic flowers, belts, hats, vests, (when did I wear vests?) a vase and trivial odds and ends, most of which I had completely forgotten I owned. Looking at the pile I had a moment of panic. Am I a hoarder??! If not, what was I doing with this pile of forgotten useless pile of material goods? As I stood rooted in fear, gently nudging the pile with my foot as if I were nudging a wild animal in order to ascertain if it was dead, or just mostly dead, a light bulb went off in my head. Like most of those who have been raised on consumerist dogma, I’ve never had a problem purchasing new items that appeal to my sense of style (like a shiny new purse or coat) but it never occurred to me to recycle whatever item I was replacing! It sounds like such a simple concept now, but two days ago this was a revelation. I could no longer use the argument “I paid good money for that.. I don’t want to give it away” because in order to believe that, in order for that to be true, I would have to also believe it would be a waste of money to replace it with something new. Ahh, I was starting to let go. But this was only the beginning of my independence.

Once I realized just how much unused stuff was in my house, a new mission was born. I would rid myself of the tyranny of material possession and shake the bonds that tied my sense self-worth (for what other reason do we own more stuff than we use?) to those things that I owned. Once free of these mental chains I spent the weekend going through and evaluating everything I owned.

Here is a list of some things that went:

Pillowcases Every new set of sheets comes with matching pillow cases and though over the years I have replaced a few sheet sets I’ve never rid myself of their matching cases. Out went 6 case sets. I am now down to matching sheets and cases.

Sheet sets My son has been gone for 5 years, yet I’ve never gotten rid of his double bed sheet sets. Why? His bed is gone and my guest bed does not require more than two sets. Out went four sets of sheets.

Old bath towels I’ve replaced several old worn or stained bath towel (yes, some how I managed to get bleach on some of my good towels) but god forbid I get rid of the old ones. They ended up in the linin closet, just in case I needed an old towel for one on my mad painting projects. I kept 3 and got rid of 5.

Comforters I’ve changed my bedroom decor three times since moving in and each time I replace my comforter to reflect that change. But did I get rid of the old ones? No. Why? Because, damn it, I paid good money for them and might use them again. Gone are two big comforters that took up way to much closet space.

Vases I dated a guy who was in the habit of giving me flowers; lots and lots of flowers, often in a vase. Now that he and the bi-weekly gift of flowers are gone I am left with a kitchen cupboard full of vases. No more! 10 vases out.

Dish set My friend who lost her mother couldn’t quite bring herself to pack up a nice set of sunflower dishes as they were a favorite of her mother’s. I took them off her hands and assured her they would be loved at my house. They are nice, much nice than my old set, so out that went. What the hell, shouldn’t we eat off the nice dishes all the time?

Books Over a year ago I gathered together seven boxes of books, (you can read about it here) five of which still sat in my guest bedroom. As hard as it was to admit over the years I’ve spent way too much money and so kept them, off they finally went.

Kitchen goods I went though my kitchen cupboards and found a collection of jars. I kept some, but most went out. I don’t make homemade mayo, why do I need these jars? The same with kitchen utensils and gadgets; duplicates and in some cases, triplicates were tossed. I had three garlic presses. Why? Why?! Seriously, I may need a kitchen gadget based intervention.

And on it went. The more I purged the better I felt. I emptied cupboards, shelves, drawers, and garage space. The more that went the less I wanted in the house. It occurred to be that when I was young I vowed I’d never own more than would fit in my Mustang (with the top down of course) and now I am faced with the fact, that over the years I’ve broken that vow time and time again.

I used to laugh at the George Carlin joke about buying a house just to fill it with stuff, and once filled, buy a larger house for more stuff. I am not laughing anymore. Now I understand his joke. We buy houses then fill all the empty nooks and crannies with stuff and call ourselves free. We are fee to buy what we need, free to buy what we want. But in the end, all of this stuff weighs us down and becomes a burden not to just ourselves but to those who must purge it after we are gone. No more will I buy something just to have it. No more will I fill all the empty spaces I now have in my home. In this, I am declaring my independence from stuff.

I not only declare my independence from unused stuff and thereby burdening my son with the task of clearing it out, I declare that from now on when I decide to replace an item I will do so only after I get rid of whatever item its replacing. We will have no more mismatched pillowcases!

Happy 4^th of July

Dear Mitch,

By now you’ve heard the news; the presumptive Republican nominee is one of the most hated men in the country. Did you know you two have something in common? Both of you, according to recent polling, have the highest disapproval ratings in the nation. You come in at 52%, while your party’s new standard-bearer comes in at 63%. Did you also know Congress’s approval rating is hovering just over single digits? It’s now at 11%; a year ago it was 9%.

I’d imagine you are asking yourself what went wrong? How did Kentucky’s longest serving senator, elected in 1984, come to this, and how did a bloviating, race-baiting, orange thin-skinned businessman come to represent the GOP? You only have yourself to blame. Your downfall and Trump’s rise lies squarely at your feet. All of the anger, rancor and racism we see at every Trump rally today can be traced back to your reaction to the 2008 election of President Obama. For eight years you have doubled down on this reaction and led the Republican Congress as if it were a day-care center for toddlers; toddlers whose only words is “No”.

From the very beginning you made your views clear on what you felt the Republican platform should be with a Democrat in the White House. You said, “ Our top priority should be to deny Obama a second term”. Even though 2008 saw the collapse of the economy and massive job loss, you made it known that these issues would take a backseat to your personal agenda. No wonder the people lost confidence in you; they were collateral damage in your war to regain power.

originally you were against the bank bailout, saying, “The mere existence of this fund will ensure that it gets used. And once it’s used up, taxpayers will be asked to cover the balance. This is precisely the wrong approach”. But instead of offering a different solution, you ended up voting for the bailout. While economists will continue to argue over the merits and outcome, the Republican voters offered their own opinion; they hated it and thanks to your rhetoric, they hated it for the wrong reasons. Fueled by words like socialism and cronyism, they believed that Obama would make them personally pay for the bailout and immediately hated him for it. This would have been good news to the Republican politicians who used Obama as a economic scapegoat had the Republican base been okay with their leaders’ lack of courage to come up with a better plan. But they didn’t. What they saw was a “powerless” Republican party at a time when they wanted to see action. Some felt the Republicans sold out to Wall Street just as much as the Democrats. This bailout may have saved us from total economic collapse, yet to many voters it felt as if nothing had changed. They may have blamed Obama and his ties to Wall Street, but they also blamed your party for not doing anything to help ease their personal burdens.

You forget Mitch, that the party of hawks should never look weak in the eyes of their base. If there is one thing the Republican base hates more than a socialist from Kenya, is perceived weakness from their leaders. When those who look for strength from their leaders find only weakness, they turn to new leadership.

Did you know that before the Affordable Care Act went into effect, millions of working class families went bankrupt due to medical costs, and that once diagnosed with a chronic disease, it was all but impossible to change insurance plans? Did you know parents with children in college couldn’t provide insurance for them? Did you care? You were very vocal in your opposition to the ACA, but silent when it came to offering a better alternative. Right after the 2008 election the Republican leadership called for some “soul searching” in an effort to examine what went wrong. This would have been the perfect time to step up and take notice of the Americans suffering at the hands of the insurance industry. Your party could have been the one to offer a better approach to health care, yet it didn’t. Instead it vilified the Democratic led plan, and after it passed, spent millions of dollars and countless hours trying to repeal it, even as the act began to save the lives of many Americans. So much for soul searching.

You sold your opposition as a crusade against the President, adding more fuel to the growing anger felt by your base, but for all the talk and filibustering, no repeal came to fruition. Nor did the dreaded death panels or other mythical outcomes to the ACA. All you managed to accomplish was to spread fear among your base. When people become fearful, they also become angry and dangerous. You are seeing this play out across the country now.

You said you were for immigration reform. In fact you proudly stated, “As you know, I’m the proud husband of an immigrant. A young girl came here at age eight, not speaking a word of English. In fact, her parents didn’t have enough money for a plane ticket. They came over on a freighter with the freight. And my wife, Elaine Chao, became secretary of labor, and was in President Bush’s cabinet. Look, I’m a big fan of what legal immigration has done for our country. The Senate bill, in my view, is deficient on the issue of border security.” But despite these words, you found a way to say “No” to immigration reform and blamed it on the President, “I think when the president took the action he did, after the 2014 election, he pretty much made it impossible for us to go forward with immigration reform this Congress”.”

By taking a step back and allowing the President to take blame for Congress’s unwillingness to take action, you probably thought you dodged a political bullet; in that you were wrong. As one of most widely misunderstood issues that America faces, you allowed the myth of the “other” to continue. You think you successfully straddled the fence both for and against immigration reform, but you didn’t. You could have brought immigrants out of the shadows and into the party tent, but you didn’t. You could have been truthful with your base as to why the myth of the other is wrong, and how our country is economically bound by low wages but you didn’t. You allowed the anger over border security and personal economic insecurity to fester and manifest into a large boil on America’s ass and gave it a name; Donald Trump.

You didn’t manage to make Obama a one-term president, but you did mange to alienate the average Republican voter; the people you largely ignored expect to offer up time and time again, reasons for them to feel angry and letdown. You may have thought all this anger would spill out in the 2016 general election, and in that you were right. But yet it is not playing out like you had hoped, and you only have yourself to blame; so much for your pledge of doing “No harm”.

What we have now are millions of voters who are tired of the do-nothing Congress. They are tired and angry, and have turned from you because you have done nothing to relieve there pent-up frustration. Where you once saw a need for some vague “border security” they now see a huge wall. Where you once saw your strength in saying “No” to everything, they now see a man who will do whatever he wants. Where you once said you would not work with the President on any issue, they see a man who claims to be a great negotiator and will make deals for the American people. Where you once saw yourself safely secure in your unwillingness to do anything about immigration reform, they see a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to keep America safe from the mythical “others”.

Those of us who see through Trump and his 4^th grade approach to politics can only look on in stunned horror as millions of our fellow citizens cling to his every word and use them as agents of violence. These same people you so willingly moved to anger and fear now look to a rambling mad man for salvation.

Donald Trump and all he stands for is not the candidate America deserves, but he is the candidate you deserve.

Tag: Opine

How I declared my independence from stuff

An open letter to Mitch McConnell ,Trump is the candidate you deserve

Share this:

Share this: