This week my rant is about age or to be exact, my age; middle age. I have a confession to make; I used to feel younger than my biological age. I felt naïve, provincial and awkward In short I felt like a 16 year old trapped in an adult body. It did not help that for many years after I turned” 21 I still had to show my ID whenever I purchased alcohol. I turned 40 while visiting my mother in Oregon, and that day we were arguing over who was paying for what while standing in line at a grocery store. I pulled the wine and meat over to my side of the divider for the second time when the clerk looked at us and said “she can’t pay for that” while pointing to the wine. My mother and I looked at each other then over to her. She pointed to me and said “you can’t pay for the wine”. We just stood there looking at her. I thought it was some weird Oregon law that degreed visitors could not buy booze. But no, she did not know I was a visitor, she thought I was under 21! I accused my mother of playing a practical joke. She thought the clerk was an idiot. So as much as I should have been flattered by the idea that I looked young, it only reinforced myself doubt and insecurities. If I looked young it was because I was awkward and provincial.
Now five years later, not only do I feel mature, I feel old. I no longer feel provincial but at times still awkward. Just last week a guy asked me out, but I misunderstood what he said and ended up babbling about how I did not like doing things by myself. He excused himself, I am sure to go find a woman who would say ‘why yes I would love to go out with you some time”. Not some woman babbling about doing things” solo”. So what makes me feel old? Here is the list:
Saturday Night Live: Since when did the high school drama group get their own show? I was watching last week and could not get over how young the players looked. Never mind that when Chevy Chase and Bill Murry were making us laugh I was 12. I remember they looked older and more mature. My 18 year old son has friends who look older than these kids. Hell I have pants older than these kids! Oh, gosh, that just made me feel even older.
Girl Scouts. As I came out of the grocery store this weekend, I was accosted by toddlers, barley able to walk and talk. Yet here they were, learning the ins and outs of capitalism. I know, I know, I should be fair, these were Brownies, not scouts, but still, I know a toddler when I see one!
Clerks in my local grocery store. You know you are old when every single person you see working are all young enough to be your child. This happened this weekend. As I stood in line I look around and I swear there was not one person working who was over 25, if a day. When did this happen? I thought this happened when you turned 70 or 80 not 45. It was depressing on many levels.
Shopping for cloths. Let’s be honest ladies, middle age women have two choices: try to dress like your high school daughter or your even older mother. When shopping this weekend I had the choice between rayon skirts that had less material than a hand towel or velour jogging suites that covered my body almost as well as a burka. I don’t wear short skirts because I have middle age knees, and do not want a burka because despite my awkawardness, I would like to date again. When I did find something in between it would have taken two weeks wages to pay for it. Despite being middle age my pay matches that of a college student thanks to our governor.
Loud music in stores and restaurants. Since when did these establishments start blasting concert like sound? Did they do this 20 years ago and I did not notice? Yesterday my mother and I were having lunch at a well known restaurant/bar when all of a sudden rock music started blasting through the speakers, loud enough to shake the table. I had to ask the waitress to turn it down so my mother and I could talk without yelling at each other. We could haveraised our voices, but since we were trying to have a good time I wanted to avoid yelling at her. Asking the young waitress to turn the music down made me feel old and cranky. I do not want to be THAT woman, but there I was, acting old. When did I become that woman, when did I become middle age?…Sigh.
Technology. Last night I decided to check out Bloggers new templates. I noticed my three columns template was corrupt and hoped a new template would fix the problem. Apparently I have no idea what I am doing; I thought I was previewing a possible change, but no, I accidently changed my template. I spent all afternoon trying to fix my blog, and I just know if I was younger it would be so much easier because it would make so much more sense! So dear Readers, in the days to come you may see color changes. Bear with me as I play with it. Let me know if you see something you like or dislike. I am also adding more content. We will have a history lesson of the week and a science article link of the week. I am expanding the blog to reflect the original idea I started out with. Let me know if there is anything you would like to see. As a religious, history and science student I am hoping to add more posts on these subjects. Now I am off to bed, my goodness it is already 7:30!