Current Events – Page 70 – The View From Sari's World

If Tiger read the speech he really had in mind

Tiger gave a very contrite and sincere speech today. At least this is what his handlers want us to think. His speech had to be re-written at the last minute as what he wanted to say would not fly. I though it would be fun to share his real speech, here is what was going through is mind as he talked. Enjoy!

If Tiger really wrote his speech.

First let me start by saying thank you to everyone who is here, though it is kinda creepy that my mom is sitting here. Seriously, do you have to look at me this way? I was going to explain in detail why I did what I did, but with her watching me, let’s just say I really enjoyed the Appalachian trails and paths I found over the last few years. As part of my therapy I have to say I am sorry to those I have hurt. Since my wife is not talking to me, I will say I am sorry to the other important people in my life; the people who made me a billionaire.

Okay, I was caught; man am I sorry! See I thought I was smarter than all of you. I truly believed I could get away with sleeping with countless women. Who knew these women would keep all my text messages and photos? Really, what were they thinking?? They knew I was married, I told them so, but ye here it is, they seem to think they are entitled to some sort of gain from me. Who would have thought? One or two thought I would leave my wife; as if I would split my hard earned money.

When I got married I figured I would have sex every night. It is every man’s dream to marry a hot model and do her when when ever the mood struck. And man did the mood strike often! I love sex and want it often. I had no idea marriage would kill the mood, if you know what I mean. After all I am away a lot and wow, having kids around sure does make it hard to have spontaneous marital fun.

You know what makes it easy to have as much sex as you want? Money and fame. Just telling women my name is Tiger got them all hot and bothered. You have no idea how easy it is to get laid and laid by freaky nasty girls! Come on you have seen these broads; you would do them to given the chance. These girls love to get nude, have you seen their pictures taken since this all came out? I am talking nasty easy girls! Again it was so easy to pick them up.. hell right now I could have anyone I wanted. Therapy has ”taught” me this is wrong so I guess I will go back to my room after this is over, but if I could…

So I got caught, I am so so sorry too! I decided to devote myself to Buddhism. I heard Britt Hume wants me to find Jesus but that means confessing and worshiping another guy, yeah like that will ever happen! No, I am devoting myself to Buddhism. It teaches us that physical desires are bad and only lead to suffering (like doing this speech). It also teaches material things are not necessary, but one problem at a time.

So again I am sorry I got caught. Though I am entitled to all that fame and fortune can bring, I now realize these entitlements come with a price. The price I had to pay was standing here telling you how sorry I am. Now that I am done I hope you will all leave me alone to live my life; anyway I damn well please!

That is the speech Tiger would have given, at least this is how I heard it.

Libraries in the digital age; the death of reference books?

We have been talking about e-books and what they mean to our beloved print books. Some people think e-books are the death of print books while others scoff at such notions. Let me tell you a sad tale my local librarian told me this weekend. It really made me stop and wonder if those who think e-books are the death of print are on to something.

For one of my finals I am to research scholarly articles and books; we are not to use what we find surfing the web. As I tried to maneuver through my school’s library website I recalled what we students did in the old days. We used to go to the library to use their reference books. Many of you may groan at the memories of sitting at a table taking notes from large texts. Others may smile at the memory of the friendly reference desk librarian who would spend countless hours helping you find just what you were looking for. I remember both.

Saturday I took pen and paper to the library. I went over the information center and asked for help. I had no idea where I would find information on the evolution of the Victorian education system. The librarian jumped up and whisked me over to the reference section. Oh she was so excited someone was asking for help and wanted to see the reference collection. What a collection it is! There are tomes on history, religion (oh I would kill for some of these books), cooking, gardening, mechanics, math and many more. I stopped more than once to admire the encyclopedias and books with so much information they needed volumes. Remember volumes? As I admired the books the librarian sighed. No one looks at these books anymore she told me. Students now rely on the internet and online editions of these books. She no longer orders reference books and wonders if she should get rid of these to make more room for fiction. I felt a tremendous loss and sadness for these books. How terrible that they sit collecting dust forgotten and unappreciated. I asked if she ever sold books from this collection, and was told from time to time she does. I wanted to whip out my checkbook and offer money for many of them. I would take them home and love them! If I had the money this is what I would do, but since I do not, all I can do is visit them more often.

After we looked for what I wanted to no avail we ended up standing in front of a computer screen. Here the friendly librarian showed me how to log onto their larger online reference collection and how to find what I am looking for. Sadly I will have to use the internet library for my research and wonder what this means for students worldwide. Will the large reference collections disappear? Will we be forced to always find scholarly information online? What will happen to these wonderful books? Slowly they will disappear and someday people may forget there was a time when we students sat at tables scribbling notes from books that were full of information and delight. Sigh…I feel old and wonder what e-books mean to print.

So dear Readers, the next time you are in the library go over to the reference collection and ask yourself if these books deserve to disappear. Ask yourself if books may one day be a thing of the past.

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