Forgive me for taking a break from my usual line of posts to address this burning question. What’s the deal with Slate Magazine’s Dear Prudence?
Dear Prudence is Slate’s answer to Dear Abby. I read the articles occasionally, and have always wondered if I should laugh or cry. Many (no most) of Prudence’s questions seem to come from people who live in the Jersey Shore universe, or at the very least, come from a very small gene pool. As you read the following Q & A, ask yourself:
Is this Slate’s idea of a satirical take on Dear Abby?
Does Prudence not understand she is being punked by these questions, or
Are people really this stupid??
Let me know what you think.
Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I fell in love at first sight. By the time I stood up and realized he was 4 inches shorter, we were too in love to care. I never in a million years thought I would be in this situation, but when you find the right person, you just know. My question for you is: Should I prepare other people for the height difference? I find myself trying to drop it into conversation when people haven’t met him yet. Sometimes I try to mention celebrity couples as examples, to give people an idea, but that only seems to make things worse. What I really want to say is, “I have trouble noticing the height difference because he’s a god in bed.” What’s your advice? And why does this stigma still exist?
—The Next Clare Grant and Seth Green
Dear Clare,
People definitely need to be prepared for this shocker. Before you introduce him you should alert your friends and family by saying, “You’ve heard that good things come in small packages. Well, even though my boyfriend is small, his package is not, so despite what you were probably thinking, I’m very satisfied in bed, thank you very much!” Then you could add, “I don’t know why people are so concerned about height differences. Sure, I never thought I would be in the ridiculous situation of towering over my boyfriend, but I’m not hung up about it at all!” Your boyfriend is shorter than you are. Big deal. It’s not something worth mentioning or being defensive about. It’s an unimportant, self-evident fact. You say there’s a stigma about shorter men with taller women, but that seems to be mostly in your own head. So get over it before you scare off your terrific guy through your own smallness.
—Prudie
The View From Sari's World 
Nope, big equipment cancels out all other flaws. Sure, he’s only 14, thinks farting is funny, and is also having an affair with your sister. Does any of that matter when you get down to basics?
Prudence didn’t level with you, Clare. There are only three guys in the entire world who are gods in bed, and the other two are imitating Vulcan and Pluto. Don’t tell other women you have a god in your bed. You want them trying to horn in on your action? Let them think that Mr. Dwarf there has equipment as big as his feet, and mention he has small feet. You’ll be happy, and your gal pals none the wiser.
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Well good Professor, if the teaching gig doesn’t work, I’d say you have a shot at being the next “Ask a man” columnist. This is the perfect rebuttal to both Prudence and the clueless girlfriend.
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