What if Polonius had to give Laertes advice today?

What if Polonius had to give Laertes advice today?

Here is the original fatherly advice

Yet here, Laertes? Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay’d for. There- my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue
Nor any unproportion’d thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment 550
Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but being in,
Bear’t that th’ opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are most select and generous, chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all- to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell. My blessing season this in thee!

And now, his take on the modern world.

Yes, this is Bill Murry as Polonius.
Yes, this is Bill Murry as Polonius.

Laertes, you’re still here? Shame on you, get on board! The airline security waiting lines are long and they won’t hold the plane just for you.
Here, I give you my blessing and some fatherly advice.
Don’t say what you think on Twitter, and be careful what acts you post on Facebook. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas but pictures on Facebook are forever.
Be friendly, but don’t share your personal information with anyone online.
Just because someone “Friends” you on Facebook does not mean he is your true friend. Make sure those friends thou hast are real and not catfishing you.
Do not dull thy palm with each new-hatched, unfledged comrade; you never know who washes his hands after using the bathroom.
Beware of entrance to a quarrel but being in, bear’t that th’ opposer is not carrying a gun.
Give every man they ear but few thy texts.
Take each man’s censure but reserve thy judgment. Be skeptical, especially if someone tells you, “I know is true because I read it on the Internet”.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but don’t fall for labels or the latest from Abercrombie and Fitch. Jesus, those guys look like assholes.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Stay away from Kickstarter and GoFundMe. As the old saying goes, if you want to lose a friend, loan him twenty dollars.
This above all: to thine own self be true; self-awareness will save you from years of therapy. And it must follow, as the night the day, don’t pretend to be false on the Internet, anyone can now run a background check.

Farewell. My blessings. Text me when you get to France!

Celebrating 5 who make every week, Shakespeare Week

latest

As we get closer to the end of our celebration of Shakespeare Week, I thought now would be a good time to give a shout out to those who celebrate him everyday. I am bound to miss some good folks who dedicate their days to all things Shakespeare, but I wanted to make a list of people and institutions that quickly spring to mind when I think Shakespeare. I applaud them all and want to show some appreciation to their work.

Shakespeare Magazine The online magazine launched on April 23, 2014 and has quickly become a leading source for all things related to Shakespeare; whether you want to just keep up with the latest theater news or read a variety of Bard related topics they have you covered!

One of my favorite articles is an interview with Paul Edmondson titled “Man and Myth” in which he talks about his journey into the world of Shakespeare. If scholarly interviews are not your thing, don’t worry, Shakespeare Magazine loves to devote pages to Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch. Do check it out. It’s a free online magazine, but if you find yourself eagerly anticipating the next issue, please support them with a donation.

Shakespeare Geek I follow a lot of blog and love them all, but I have to admit, this one is up there as one of my favorites.

Duane has been blogging about Shakespeare since 2005 and is the author of Hear My Soul Speak : Wedding Quotations from Shakespeare. I own and copy so I can attest to its originality and carefully chosen quotes. But this isn’t the reason to read Shakespeare Geek. Duane is always original and refreshing. You just never know what will spring forth from his mind. What I love most about this blog is how seamlessly Duane relates everyday occurrence to Shakespeare. You can also count on him to come up with silly posts and brilliant ideas on how to center every holiday on a Shakespeare theme. This past April Fool’s remains one of my favorites. We had a great time in Facebook coming up with ways to annoy our co-workers.

Hollow Crown Fans Ever Shakespeare fan with a Twitter handle should follow @HollowCrownFans. This is collaboration between friends that started as a mini fan club for Tom Hiddleston and the Hollow Crown series. They started the hash-tag game #ShakespeareSunday as part of their fan love, yet it quickly grew in popularity. It is now a regular Sunday ritual that most of us who follow HCF don’t dare miss. This above all other social media gatherings has introduced me to some wonderful people I now call friend.

Good Brain Tickle Damn, this is good! What started out as a fun outlet for Mya’s love of Shakespeare has turned her into a Shakespeare superstar! Though these be little comic strips they are fiercely funny and educational. Mya has proven herself to be a true Shakespeare scholar. Twice weekly Mya gives us a small slice of Shakespeare yet the lessons on his work are huge. I swear, this girl is a genius; how many people can use humor to show a deep understanding of Shakespeare? Not many; this is why Mya stands out and is becoming a real shinning star on the Shakespeare stage. One of my favorite strips was her Star Wars Midsummer’s Night Dream series. I dare you not to laugh. Hats of the Mya for being invited to participate in the Folger’s Library 400 Year Shakespeare Anniversary event.

Folger’s Podcast Speaking of Folger, one of my favorite podcast series is hosted by the library titled, Shakespeare Unlimited. The reason it’s titled unlimited is because there is no limit to what they will talk about. The podcast’s them is Shakespeare’s influence on the world as a whole. This podcast shows us that the all the world’s a stage, and Shakespeare a global phenomenon. Whether you are looking for a history lesson on Elizabethan street fighting or how Shakespeare influenced the punk rock scene, Shakespeare Unlimited is the place to be. And because it’s a downloadable podcast, you always get a good seat. And, let’s not forget everything the library does in celebration of Shakespeare.

And now, because it’s Friday, I give you one more list. This time a funny list of my favorite Shakespeare memes. Enjoy!

ce0e82f74fe1c1585ebdbdc2365bd9a69d222e16dcea6e95390136b2f1093a1f

I once put this on the cover of a paper I did on Hamlet. My professor said he'd would have given my an A just or making him laugh
I once put this on the cover of a paper I did on Hamlet. My professor said he’d would have given my an A just or making him laugh

Shakesbear

I was once in a class in which a student said, "oh I love Romeo and Juliet. It's such a great poem". I think of her every time I see this.
I was once in a class in which a student said, “oh I love Romeo and Juliet. It’s such a great poem”. I think of her every time I see this.

shakespeare-authorship-question-aliens-thumb

I want this on a T-shirt
I want this on a T-shirt

No money went into my purse in the making of this post.